Q&A with Shelley Jensen
I was previously featured in a print publication called Beauty: You Define It magazine. I wanted to share the interview here, as I talk about my backstory and philosophy on therapy. I hope you find it helpful!
Beauty Magazine: Why did you become a disordered eating counsellor?
Shelley Jensen: By the time I was 8 years old, I weighed over 100 pounds. By 13, I was 185 pounds. By 15, I was 230 pounds. And by 21, I was over 270 pounds. During those years, I tried desperately to lose weight, playing many games with myself. If I promised not to eat for a week, then I could have all the ice cream I wanted. If I could just learn to purge, then it wouldn’t count. And so the cycle continued.
In my 33-year journey of recovery, I lost 135 pounds of pain, insecurity, fear, obsession, panic and self-loathing, and finally reclaimed my lost self.
For many years afterwards, I worked in the weight loss industry. I watched it add fuel to the fire of eating disorders and I dreamed of a time when I could share my experience in a personal and caring way.
31 years ago, I founded a service called, “S” Team Counselling. I also made a vow: because I had found a way to address my own pain, I would dedicate my life’s work to helping woman cope with theirs. There is a road to recovery and I wanted to help them find it. I have never done anything so rewarding, so difficult and so passionate in my life.
Beauty Magazine: What are some common themes you deal with in your sessions?
Shelley Jensen: My clients are all highly intelligent, beautiful, intuitive and creative people, and range in age from 11 to 75 years old. Their stories, although very different, are so similar. I see them dimming their own light, afraid to be who they really are, and it breaks my heart.
Many just tried to diet for a special occasion, thinking it was harmless. But dieting has a way of turning into disordered eating, sometimes very quickly. Soon their behaviour (restricting, then overeating, purging and then restricting again) became their go-to coping mechanism. It seemed easier than allowing themselves to feel their emotions. That, then, became like an addiction, a numbing. They focused on their weight and shortcomings rather than the feelings that drove them to the behaviour originally. It’s a vicious cycle and very easy to get stuck in.
Beauty Magazine: Beyond working one-on-one with clients, how can we change things for future generations?
Shelley Jensen: Well, in a perfect world we would all be so in touch with our emotions that food wouldn’t be a coping mechanism! But for now, we need to educate everyone on positive body image, along with learning how to accept our emotions from an early age, and have resources available on the very early signs of disordered eating.
I believe parents need to check in with their own messages around their bodies, as difficult as that can be – it’s more instinctive to send their children to get help than it is to heal themselves. I encourage adults to make sure they are taking care of themselves so they can set a positive example for the young people in their lives.
The prevalent messages around body acceptance have changed quite a bit over the years, yet the coping mechanism remains the same: we know now it isn’t as much about external things as it is about using food to cope with anxiety (and more). Understanding this is key to a more balanced relationship with food.
Beauty Magazine: What’s the most important lesson you’ve learned from your experience so far?
Shelley Jensen: Frankly, I would say that those who struggle with binging and overeating continue to be misunderstood. There still seems to be a lot of guesswork around the roots of disordered eating. But it comes down to this: we all want to love and be loved and accepted for who we are.
Often disordered eating has little to do with wanting to lose weight, even though it appears that way from the outside. It’s actually about our space in the world. It’s very symbolic: where do I fit in? Who am I? Is it okay to be me? Am I enough?
I have real resistance to the idea that this is about beauty and thinness – it’s more about self-love (or lack thereof). We need to go beyond the superficial and dispel the myths that are out there. This is how we will learn what a healthy relationship with food really is.
Let’s see disordered eating as a red flag and start opposing the negative messages it brings. Then we can lovingly reframe those messages and, instead of ‘feeding’ the disorder, we can learn to nurture our hearts. That’s what I do with clients single every day. 💜
Reach out to Shelley Jensen at +1 (604) 670-1721 or by email to set up your free, half-hour consultation. Sessions are always confidential.